Self Conclusion
by fancykidx
Summary: JONAS. AU. Macy saw the message Nick was sending with his eyes: I've said what I've needed to say. This decision is yours. It's all in your hands now. Macy-centric, with a bonus Nick. Oneshot.


**I feel like I haven't written a new story in a long time. Sorry about that. This is very hastily written, and it was done within the hours of 6 to 8 in the morning when I was suffering from jetlag. AU - Macy and Nick don't know each other. Based on the song "Self Conclusion" by The Spill Canvas, who are incredible at telling stories within their lyrics. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything in this story.**

/

Fade in, start the scene  
Enter beautiful girl  
But things are not what they seem  
As we stand at the edge of the world

/

Macy sighed as she observed herself in the mirror, taking in her appearance. The clothes that had fit her only months before were now baggy and hung limp on her small frame. Her skin was pale, a direct result of many sleepless nights and refusing to leave her room. Her eyes had deep bags underneath them, and her cheeks were sunken in, as if someone had carved them out. She looked like a skeleton.

_Fitting,_ she thought bitterly. _I'm about to become one anyway._

"Don't be such a baby," she whispered to herself, closing her eyes so as to block out all of her imperfections. She was angry to find that her voice was shaky and unsure. She cleared her throat and tried again. "It'll be quick and easy. You won't feel anything. You'll stop hurting."

_You'll stop hurting,_ she repeated in her head. And really, that's all she wanted: to stop having to get hurt, to stop feeling pain.

_This is a good thing I'm doing._

She opened her eyes again, wiping away the single tear that fell down her cheek.

"_Don't be such a baby_." She was happy to find that her voice sounded firm and final; confident, even.

Crossing her room to her desk, she quickly signed her signature at the bottom of her letter. She glanced at the clock: 11:20 PM, it read. _I should leave soon._

She glanced around her room one last time, taking in the area she had grown up in, had considered a safe haven, a hiding place from the rest of the world. Her gaze moved from the closet, where she often sat in silence in when things got too rough, to the wall she had thrown her lamp at that night she found out her best friend had stolen her boyfriend.

"Goodbye," she whispered. _Goodbye._

She slid the letter underneath her mother's bedroom door before she left. She would find it in the morning.

* * *

_You can do this,_ she repeated to herself the entire walk over. _You can do this. It won't hurt too badly. And besides – it's not going to matter if it hurts, anyway, because soon you won't feel a thing._

She could soon see the top of the cliff in the distance, and her heart rate sped up as she walked faster, eager to carry out her plans for the night.

As she neared the edge, however, she quickly realized her plans would not be as easy as she thought they would be to carry out.

Staring out at the ocean was a boy, one she had never seen before. The curly mop of hair on his head blew slightly in the wind as he took in the surroundings.

Macy slowed down as she approached. It didn't look like he was leaving anytime soon. This was a dilemma; should she wait to see if he would move on? Or should she ignore him, and carry out her plans anyway?

"Excuse me," she finally decided. There was silence as the boy turned around and directed his gaze at her. He seemed surprised to see her, and Macy could understand why; it was almost midnight.

"Yes?" he asked.

Macy took a deep breath.

"I had plans of killing myself tonight by jumping off that cliff. Just thought I'd warn you first, in case you wanted to leave."

* * *

"Excuse me?" He asked, alarmed. The curious gaze he had given her before was now a look of shock and horror, as if he couldn't believe what he just heard.

Macy didn't care. In a few minutes, it wouldn't matter anymore what he thought of her. She wouldn't be around to hear it.

"You heard me."

"I know I did." He took a cautious step forward, eyes wide. Macy hastily took one step back. "I was just wondering if _you_ know what you just said."

"Of course I know what I said," Macy snapped.

The boy blinked a few times. Finally, he asked, "Well, do you know who you're even talking to?"

"It doesn't matter." _Nothing mattered anymore._

"My name is Nick. Nick Lucas." He paused to take in her reaction.

She continued to stare blankly at him.

"Of the band JONAS?" He continued, a bit desperately.

"Why is this relevant?" Macy demanded, glancing at her watch. Why was he still here? Why was he talking to her? Did he want to watch her die, did he want to see the show?

The boy – Nick – ran his fingers through his hair. "I was kind of hoping that it would make you reconsider."

Macy snorted. "I've been planning this for weeks now. Why would you being in a band cause me to _reconsider_ this?"

"I don't know!" Nick snapped, now pacing up and down before her. "I just… I don't know."

Macy sighed impatiently. "Well, if that's all, I have things to do. So if you want to stay, by all means, do so, but – "

"Don't do it."

* * *

She glanced at Nick and noticed the frantic look in his eyes, the imploring tone in his voice.

"Why shouldn't I?" she said softly. "Why shouldn't I?"

He seemed to be struggling for words, his eyes never leaving hers. "Look, …?"

"Macy," she whispered, and she mentally scolded herself for answering him, for continuing this conversation, when she should be throwing herself over the edge and landing in the rocky waters below.

He nodded slowly. "Macy," he repeated, and something in his voice made her look away from him, confused by what was happening. "Look, Macy, I know you want to jump. But I – people – people _always_ want to jump. At one point in their life, they feel so overwhelmed with everything around them, they feel so stressed out, the want to jump. They want to end it all. But Macy – Macy, look at me. _The strong ones are the ones that don't._ The strong ones are the ones that choose to live."

He paused and looked at her intently. "Macy, I know that horrible things must have happened to you that have brought you to this point. But you're strong. You can make it through this, you can – "

"_How do you know what I can and can't do?_" Macy screamed, tears running down her cheeks now, and she was _angry._ "You don't even _know_ me! You don't know what I've been through, what I've seen! You don't _know._ You, standing there – you don't know how hard it is to be _alive._ You're _Nick Lucas,_ guitarist and singer and piano player and drummer and god _knows_ what else! You're _perfect!_" Macy took in a deep breath, wiping furiously at her tears. "You don't know what it's like to look in a mirror and hate what looks back at you every morning."

Macy took another deep breath, this time shakier. "My best friend stole my boyfriend. My _best friend._ For 7 years. And my _boyfriend._ Of 2 years. And my sister? She killed herself. She… she chose to _die_ rather than live another day with me. She chose to die rather than let me help her, do you know what that's _like?_ Do you know what that _does_ to someone?"

She had no idea why she was sharing this with him, why she even let the conversation get to this point in the first place, but she couldn't seem to stop talking. "I feel guilty _everyday_. I look in the mirror and know that I'm not good enough, know that I wasn't good enough to help someone when they needed me, know that all of my friends look at me with an accusing look on their faces, like it's my fault. And it _is_ my fault. Because I should have saved her."

* * *

There was silence between the two as her words sunk in. Finally, Macy wiped away the last of her tears and opened her mouth to continue, but Nick held up his hand, indicating her to be silent.

Nick hesitantly walked closer to her, and this time she did not back up. "I'm sorry that happened to you," he whispered, reaching out to her, and she shuddered away from his touch. "I'm sorry you have to live with that everyday."

Macy looked up into his eyes and saw the concern, saw how much her story had affected him, and for a second she wanted to go back home. She was in over her head, she needed to leave and she needed to curl up in her mother's lap and cry until no more tears would come out and let her mother stroke her hair and tell her that everything would be okay –

Macy shook her head, pushing past Nick and stepping up closer to the edge of the cliff.

"Stop!" Nick yelled from behind her, trying to grab her arm, but she pulled away. "Don't do this! Don't – I know it hurts. I know _everything_ hurts, I know you're tired of the world and that people have hurt you beyond belief, I know – _I know that._ But don't – " His voice had taken a frantic pleading tone, and Macy was slightly surprised that he cared so much about whether or not she lived, but mostly she was just tired – tired of him, tired of this conversation. Tired of breathing… _so, so tired._

She stepped closer to the edge, and from where she stood, she could see the rough waves crashing against the jagged rocks below her. It was as if they were waving to her, telling her to come down and let them take care of her from now on.

* * *

"_Wait!"_ He cried out, and it now sounded like he was on the verge of tears. "Just – wait. Listen to me first, okay? _Listen._"

Slowly, hesitantly, confused as to why she was even doing it in the first place, Macy turned around.

Nick let out a slightly relieved exhale of breath, but knew that this was not over yet. "I know that your legs are pleading for you to leap. I know that you're so close to ending it all, and I know that you want to. But – you don't see this, but I think you're beautiful." He paused, watching Macy carefully as his words sunk in, and _what?_ Macy looked at him, disbelieving.

Nick nodded. "It's the truth. You say you're imperfect, and sure you are – everyone is. But I think you're beautiful. I look at you and I see a beautiful girl that's lived through hell and is still here. I see a strong person that's about to make the biggest mistake of her life. And I'm sorry, Macy, but I can't just stand by and let that happen. You need to stay alive. The world needs you."

"Nobody needs me," Macy whispered brokenly. "Nobody needs me."

"That's not true," Nick whispered back. "You don't know that. You don't know how you've affected people's lives, you don't know how much they'll hurt if you jump off that cliff. Because people will hurt. You might not believe it, but _someone_ will hurt.

"I have a choice for you." Macy looked up at him and saw the determination in his face. She wondered what could possibly make him look like that. "I want you to listen to me, okay? Don't choose too fast. Take all the time you need. I want you to think first."

Macy nodded slowly, her mind telling her legs to just hold on for a few minutes.

"You could throw yourself off that cliff right now." Nick's voice cracked towards the end, but he cleared his throat and continued on. "You could throw yourself off that cliff right now, and I won't jump in after you. I'll walk away and I won't call the police or try and contact your family. I'll try and pretend that I was never here, and that I never talked to you, and that you never talked to me.

"Or…" Nick paused, making sure she was looking into his eyes before continuing. "You can live. With me. I'll take care of you. I won't hurt you. I'll show you that life can be beautiful. I'll cry with you when you need me to cry with you, and cheer you up when you need to be cheered up. I'll – I'll help you. I want to help you. If you choose to die, then I'll try and pretend I was never here. But I will _never_ forget you. I'll always feel the same guilt you feel right now – like you could have done more. I…" he stopped, clenching his fists slightly. "_I won't forget you._"

Macy took a step forward, angry. "Are you _crazy?_ You barely _know_ me!"

"I know, but hopefully that can change soon." Nick replied calmly.

"I can't believe you!" She said furiously. "I can't – why do you care so much? Why didn't you just walk away when this all started? Why did you have to make it come to this point? Why – "

"Macy, Macy, Macy – calm down. Just breathe. Okay? Breathe."

* * *

Macy fought to gain control of herself as Nick watched on, concern evident in every inch of his face.

"It hurts to live," Macy finally breathed out. Nick heard what she didn't say: _I'm tired of hurting._

"I'm not saying that things will never get rough. I would be lying if I said that. And all of the things that I said before – it might not be enough. But Macy – life is so _beautiful._ All I want to do is show you it."

Nick turned around and walked away from her, stopping a few yards away, leaving her standing near the edge of the cliff alone. His voice echoed around the emptiness. "I can stand here all night trying to convince you, but it's not going to do any good." He looked down at his shoes for a second, seeming to gather his thoughts.

Finally, he looked back up at her. She was surprised to see that there were tears pooling at the bottom of his eyes.

"My offer stands. Now you have to choose."

* * *

The wind howled around them earnestly now, as if it knew that this was the moment, that in a minute Macy would be ending her life or starting a new one, this time with help.

Macy looked towards the path she had taken to get here – it was the same dirt road, with the same small rocks and the same tire tracks. And yet somehow, it seemed brighter, more inviting. It seemed like it had heard Nick's ultimatum and was trying to help her decide. _You can take this path back down the cliff and back to the rest of the world – where people will hurt you and disappoint you, where you will be used and you will feel broken, but Nick will be with you. He will help you._

Macy turned away from the path and took a few steps closer to the edge of the cliff, so that now her toes were dangling off the edge. She stared down at the water. Like the path, what lay below looked different somehow: the waves looked a bit calmer, as if they were trying to reassure her that she would be alright if she jumped. _He could hurt you,_ they whispered to her. _He could end up being like everybody else – he could mean it in the beginning but get bored at the end, and end up hurting you just like everyone else. We won't hurt you. We'll help you. You won't have to hurt anymore… we promise._

Macy slowly turned around and looked at Nick.

The entire time she was contemplating, he was silent, watching her carefully to see what she would do. Now, however, as she turned to him, he opened his mouth as if to say something. He swallowed hard, seeming to be choosing his words carefully, before suddenly closing his mouth and tightening his fists. She saw the message he was sending with his eyes: _I've said what I've needed to say. This decision is yours. It's all in your hands now._

Macy stared at him for another moment before making up her mind.

Slowly, ever so slowly, she turned back to the edge of the cliff, closed her eyes, and inhaled deeply.

She braced herself for what was about to happen.

* * *

THE JERSEY JOURNAL

_SUNDAY, AUGUST 29 – Police were called to the home of Connie Misa, 49, a single mother living in Teaneck. Misa was hysterical as she showed the police a note found on the floor of her bedroom. It quickly became apparent that the note – written to her by her daughter, Macy – was a suicide letter. Police were sent to the cliff detailed to them in the letter, but found that they were too late: the cliff was devoid of any people._

_A few hours later, however, the daughter showed up back at the house – clearly alive. In a twist, Nick Lucas – of the internationally famous band JONAS – was with her. Details will be given as soon as more information releases._

_

* * *

_

"Okay," Macy whispered, her eyes still closed. She turned around and stepped away from the ledge. "Okay. You win. But I'm giving you only one night. _Just_ one night." She inhaled again. "Prove yourself to be better than my original plans. Prove yourself to be better than everyone else I've known. If… if you hurt me, I swear, I – I'll jump. I'll come back up here and jump, I swear. I don't want to hurt anymore."

Macy opened her eyes and looked at him.

Nick was smiling wide, clearly relieved. "He stepped closer to her and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her tight against him. "I know what you're going through, Macy. Trust me."

He leaned down and whispered into her ear. "Believe it or not, but just before you got here, I was going to jump, too."

/

We all flirt toward the tiniest notion  
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion  
You see, the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it  
No matter how unbearable this misery gets

/

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